My absolute fear is being perceived as vulnerable, being exposed and/or being judged. Like this is probably the one thing that really really fricking scares me in this world, like more than anything.
Some people might be reading this going well then why are you doing it? lol.
Well, I’ve been told that blogging/writing down all you have to say is good for you; apparently it’s therapeutic – so It’s taken me a lot of pondering, talking to people, about to do it then chickening out and then repeating the process all over again for months to realise I need to suck it up and stop thinking about what other people are going to think about me, and I’m sure that I’m not going to be judged, just this one part in my brain says ‘oh shit man don’t do it’.
I am perceived to be super confident, super bubbly and super happy all the time – and yes believe me I am most of the time, but sometimes, I’m not, really not. These days through social media you can hide the issues, struggles with my mental health, anxiety that you feel about towards different aspects of your life. People who’ve known me from either School, University, Work, my Family Friends, people just in general wouldn’t know that from a bar of soap, but my friends and my boyfriend do and I really think that it’s worth talking about.
I’ve had a lot of things happen in my life since I was at a very young age with my health; a lot of surgeries and recovery and I still cop the and – even though that was the absolute SHITTTTTEESSSTTT time of my god damn life, things are starting to look up and I’ll talk about that later; but, when these things were happening to me people would say to me ‘everything’s going to be alright’ ‘oh my god you’re so strong you’ll pull through’ etc. That is the ONE thing I have grown to hate, bullshit.
Whilst all the people who told me that, doctors, people who truly cared about me were just trying to help, it really really got to me. Because you know what, everything wasn’t alright and at the time I wasn’t strong and I didn’t feel like I could pull through; and even though I appreciated it at the time and it was very lovely to hear. Sugar coating really shit things really does more harm. I wish that someone would have cut the crap and said to me it’s going to be so shitty and it’s going to suck and it’s going to be really hard, because then I would have expected the worst and it wouldn’t have been as bad as expecting that everything was going to be fine and it really really wasn’t.
What i’m trying to say is; I’m just a third year university student who has gone through some stuff, felt some stuff and is expressing her feelings and hoping that I can benefit some people along the way. This isn’t a fashion related, #foodie, #fitness, #instafamous, product promotion kind of thing, this is just me expressing my experiences and why I believe people shouldn’t bullshit about things.
Hope you’re having a good day!